It’s Friday, my second to last day in Denmark. It’s unbelievable how much time has flown. Right now I’m checking things off of my pre-departure to-do list before meeting up with some friends to complete some things on our Copenhagen bucket lists. I’m not going to post this until Sunday, though, because I want it to be my goodbye post to Fredensborg, Copenhagen, and the Svendsen and Lippert family.
Does anyone else ever really feel the fight or flight response in action when they’re about to go somewhere? Like, I start to feel super-nauseous, like my body just wants to get rid of the food in my system and bolt. I’m trying to calm my nerves at every second of the day. It’s not that I’m actually that nervous, it’s just a lot of nervous energy shooting around my body. I can’t sit still and everything smells like ramen (that’s not a normal response?)
I’m listening to the song “Home” by Philip Philips, and even watching the music video (shot like a road trip) is making me carsick. I feel like this place has been a real home for me. And it’s okay that I don’t idealize it, and I don’t want to live here for the rest of my life, because that’s also how I feel about small town Massachusetts and about the city of Boston. It’ll always be a home and a home city for me, filled with memories, good times and bad, even if I don’t want to stay forever.
I guess I’ve really been coming to terms with that this semester. I’ve had the problem where I really want to want to stay, and it has made my trip hard. The pressure has always been there, whether it’s just in my head or if my classmates are gushing about how much they’ve found a place here. That pressure has made it harder to just live in the moment and take things as they come. Maybe I’ve been pulling a total American tourist move and expecting too much.
I do want to express my eternal gratitude to my AMAZING host family. Some people have found families that they’ve felt like a daughter, which I can’t say that I totally have because my upbringing was so different from the way they treat their kids and me in my family. It has been so peaceful here. I can always count on a smile, a chat, some jokes, some amazing food, and just general support. I’ve never been in a situation before where I was sure that I was never going to disagree with people. They’ve treated me better than I ever could have hoped for or imagined, better than I treated my hosted sisters certainly, when I hosted in high school. They have encouraged me but never pushed me into anything. They have offered me everything but never asked anything in return. And in that way I idealize Denmark in immense ways. This family dynamic is so unreal in its trust, happiness, and hands-off approach to hosting and parenting. Thank you so so much to Jytte and Ole, if you ever read this. I love you guys so much. I also want to thank Maria and Linea, for always being kind to me and being able to share YouTube videos and complaining about school and making fun of Jytte and Ole. You are both inspirational in how smart and driven you are, and I know you’ll both be able to do whatever you want to do and have the best support while you do it. Thank you to Gitte and Lasse, and your families, your sisters are so blessed to have such positive, loving role models. Though I only met you a few times, you were always kind and friendly to me. Gitte, you were the first Dane to hug me, and it really made an impact.
After writing this, instead of feeling sick I’m crying all over my keyboard. The sad music isn’t helping much.
So, I’m not sure if it’s grammatically correct, but I do want to say Vi ses Danmark, meaning see you later, Denmark. I know I’ll be back, if only to make you another Tuesday night dinner and chill in the sitting room and watch movies with Linea.